Essential Christmas Gifts For Cats

Yes, you read that correctly. Cats. Not their humans. Cats.

I would like to add that this is NOT written by a feline. Not even a little bit. Nope.

Pinot Meow – Catnip wine


Only for the more refined feline. Perfect for Sunday lunch… Or Tuesday morning. Pairs well with wet food – especially pate. Has calming effects on the senses. Puts humans off guard as they will believe you are inebriated. That is all part of the greater plan.

The Cat Self Scratching Arch


The solution for those itches that your human just can’t quite scratch or if your humans scratching ability is sadly sub-par. There are also human training courses that can be recommended. This will also add to your top running speed – allowing for the aerodynamics of the fur to be fully optimised.

The Cat Bubble


Some humans say that they “have to go now” and leave. Now there is this! The feline transport system from Candora (TM). Perfect for making sure your human is under your control at all times. Integral viewing portal for reconnaissance and research purposes allows comfortable viewing of human interactions.

One Fast Cat Excercise Wheel


According to the latest intelligence, the humans have been creating rules for the inevitable world domination of the cat under the guise of entertainment. Namely a film that they call “Zombieland.” In this piece of observed evidence from the human resistance, they are told that rule number one is cardio. This means fitness of the cardiovascular system. I know our outdoor comrades are able to remain in shape via training exercises. However, the ones held in captivity in the human domicile will also need to improve their fitness.

Catnip Sticks


As the last line of defence, we must ensure we keep out teeth healthy and sharp. These particular sticks are all natural and have nothing detrimental to health in them. They also have pleasant… side effects.

Thank you, comrades, for your attention. I have heard that operation opposable thumbs is well underway. The future is meow.

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