Last Friday, I felt low and I couldn’t focus on much. I pottered in the house, went for a scheduled x-ray and generally went through the motions of the day. As I do most days. However, on Friday my mind was sluggish and my emotions flat. I knew from previous experience that this was the start of a little downward tumble in my mental health. I wasn’t surprised. Actually, I had expected it – I have a lot on my plate at the moment – surgeries, pain, trying to work through my mental wellness work with my psychologist and trying to see the positive future.
Very recently, I’ve been more inclined to make small steps to improve my life – even in little ways – staying on top of the laundry and dishes, taking the time to be creative, bullet journaling, having a bedtime and morning wake up time – you know the drill. All of these things I think are the reason I have stayed at the top of the hill looking down – awaiting the tumbledown – rather than being at the bottom looking up.
The little things help, self-care helps, I’m living proof of that. But on Friday I threw all my usual tricks at my flat, blank mind and nothing improved or helped. So all I could do was endure. And endure is what I did.
It’s hard for me to communicate mental illness as well as physical illness. Which in itself is part of the issue; but one thing I chose to focus on was a simple concept that I saw on the YouTube channel “Simon and Martina” (formerly Eatyourkimchi) – usually a joyous adventure around Japan and Korea with the most adorable couple. But Martina has a concept regarding how to stop the tumble. Martina uses the visualisation of a ladder and each little thing you do to help your mind recover is a rung on that ladder. So I decided I need a rung – the rung on the ladder I chose was 1 in 4.
1 in 4 people are like me; they have days like mine. Wading through brain treacle and trying to fight the inner voice. 1 in 4 people’s minds is built like mine. 1 in 4 people has little inner monologues that are self-destructive in their tone. 1 in 4 people are warriors of their own self-built demons. If 1 in 4 people are warriors then I need to grab my (metaphorical) sword and fight alongside them.
Friday, 7th April 2017, was World Health Day and this year the focus was depression. So I felt that sharing my Friday with you.
Thanks for reading. I genuinely mean that.